Good morning ,
Today I must ready myself for the move. I need to concentrate on what needs to be left out and what to be boxed .The house is a disaster . As Amanda is moving in and unpacking I am trying to pack the remaining things that I have here at the house. My baby, Melissa has decided to stay . I pray she has the courage and fourtitude
to stand on her own 2 feet . Hopefully , being sisters living together wont be so difficult . They can depend on each other for support . I have assigned them each a mentor ,each woman is suited to the needs of that child.
Velma for Melissa and Charlotte for Mandi . I trust both of these women inexplicably with them to guide them.
Debbie is doing better , I feel confident enough that I am planning to go ahead and go to Philadelphia with Angel . There are still bad days and gosh, there will be for a long time . I still cry and desperately miss my father.As a matter of fact , Saturday was one of those days and it hit me so hard I was useless sat, sun, and mon, I had to physically recoupe
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
(death) A new Beginning?
Well my BF 's husband passed on New years eve at around 8:00pm after a couple of hard days . I had read the Hospice book that they give you to help you see the different signs. It gave both the physical and spiritual signs it was a gift to see that . I could see Bear litterally preparing himself for his new Journey , My blessed Deb , it was so difficult for her to watch this transition , she was already mourning and her heart was shattering like shards of glass . She was so afraid to go to sleep for fear she would miss every precious last moment with him this is what love is . . So, we were both shaking from exhaustion . I could not leave her in her grief alone. .
Deb is a very spiritual person she was talking with the Hospice nurse ( who was a true God send ) about life Journeys and how much we change to suit our partner . Whether good or bad , but her point was that this is a new journey for her and how she will morph again as a different person . We all blend our energy to those around us we can't help it, it just happens and sometimes we like who we become and sometimes not . Just like in divorce we still go through a grieving process , similar to a death . I know I did for 3 years . It took me that long to be able to function. I was so used to Phil's energy our co-mingling, that with out his energy I did not know who I was, I litterally felt as if half of me was missing , and it was . So I had to find energy, a different energy to fill that space, sometimes, I chose wisely and sometimes not so.....
It will be interesting to see who she becomes after the cacooning stage is over. Right now it is difficult for her to even talk and the outpouring of love from friends and family,all though appreciated, is very overwhelming . She has been a recluse , an artsy recluse , for so long. It will be a beautiful thing to watch as she takes each new (sometimes painful) step . I imagine it like being birthed out of fire . You have no choice it is what it is .I am not sure that I have aptly described the feelings of this transition on either of their parts but even though as painful to watch as it was , it was beauty and love in motion , the kind God intended it to be .
The aftermath , well.... it remains to be seen . I pray Deb will prevail . I can not even begin to imagine the depth of her pain as this is something I have not yet had to thankfully experience .
My love and devotion as her friend will not falter I will be with her every step of the way as she choses .
With God as her torch to light her path , I am sure she will continue to be.. beautiful and loving, but also something new , like a butterfly emerging from her cocoon after a transformation and resting period .
I love you is all I know to say.
Deb is a very spiritual person she was talking with the Hospice nurse ( who was a true God send ) about life Journeys and how much we change to suit our partner . Whether good or bad , but her point was that this is a new journey for her and how she will morph again as a different person . We all blend our energy to those around us we can't help it, it just happens and sometimes we like who we become and sometimes not . Just like in divorce we still go through a grieving process , similar to a death . I know I did for 3 years . It took me that long to be able to function. I was so used to Phil's energy our co-mingling, that with out his energy I did not know who I was, I litterally felt as if half of me was missing , and it was . So I had to find energy, a different energy to fill that space, sometimes, I chose wisely and sometimes not so.....
It will be interesting to see who she becomes after the cacooning stage is over. Right now it is difficult for her to even talk and the outpouring of love from friends and family,all though appreciated, is very overwhelming . She has been a recluse , an artsy recluse , for so long. It will be a beautiful thing to watch as she takes each new (sometimes painful) step . I imagine it like being birthed out of fire . You have no choice it is what it is .I am not sure that I have aptly described the feelings of this transition on either of their parts but even though as painful to watch as it was , it was beauty and love in motion , the kind God intended it to be .
The aftermath , well.... it remains to be seen . I pray Deb will prevail . I can not even begin to imagine the depth of her pain as this is something I have not yet had to thankfully experience .
My love and devotion as her friend will not falter I will be with her every step of the way as she choses .
With God as her torch to light her path , I am sure she will continue to be.. beautiful and loving, but also something new , like a butterfly emerging from her cocoon after a transformation and resting period .
I love you is all I know to say.
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